Just some thoughts...

I am not the type of person who feels at all comfortable getting up and talking in front of people. I HATE it...mainly I HATE giving talks and bearing my testimony in front of people. My emotions just completely take over and I just blubber through my talk/testimony, so I spare myself the embarrasment and the akwardness for other people and avoid it at all costs. So, I have just had some feeling lately that I have wanted to express and with fast and testimony meeting just passing I have decided that the best way for me to express my feelings and what not is to just blog it. So bear with me. If you stay tuned I have a few cute Chase things to post at the end. =)

First of all, I am so thankful that we have free agency and are able to make our own choices and decide what we want to do with our lives. I am so thankful that I can choose and do what I want to do and as this might seem odd, I am so thankful for all of the consequences we have to face due to our choices. As everyone knows, I haven't made all the best choices in my life, but I am so thankful for those choices that I have made and from the things that I have learned from them. Had I not gone through what I have gone through and made the choices that I have, then I would not be the person I am today. I would not be as strong in the gospel and I would more than likely not strive to be better and better everyday. One of the main choices I am referring to is when I made the choice to do something not so good before getting married, and ending up pregnant at 17. It was scary...scarier than I can even describe. I had no idea how to go about telling my family, because I knew I had let them down and that my family would be disappointed in me. But, it happened and had to be taken care of. Adoption was pushed, but somewhere in me I knew it was not the right choice for me. Things are different for everyone. So, as it came closer I let my parents know that I wanted to keep Chase...maybe part of my decision was selfish...but seeing what I have, I know that Chase was supposed to be a part of this family. I would not take my decision back for anything and am so thankful that I have Chase now because he has caused me to grow and learn so much that I don't think I would have learned had he not been given to me. I am also so thankful for my family...my wonderful family who has stepped up to the plate and helped me in every way imaginable. Alisha and Kiara watched Chase on a regular basis so I could finish high school and go to work. I don't think I would be as close to my sisters had Chase not been brought into this world. Alisha and I really bonded after I had Chase because we were able to spend a lot of time together with our kids and do fun things together. I am so thankful for all the support and love that my parents and the rest of my family has shown and given me. Also, to all the other people who didn't judge, but were just there to love and support me and Chase. My relationship with my mom has only gotten stronger and better. She has become my best friend and has stepped up to the plate to take care of me and Chase and help me through all of my hard times. I am so so so thankful for the ability that I have to choose for myself and then to learn and grow so very much from those choices and consequences that I have to make and face. Life is not easy, but I know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and that the Lord has a plan for every single person on this earth. I am so thankful for my family and friends and all the love and support that they give me every single second of every single day.

Next, I am so thankful for the power of prayer. Just recently in the last few months have I learned how powerful prayer is and how much the Lord really does listen and care. Right now, some experiences are too personal to share for my own sake, but, one simple story that lets me know that the Lord does listen and care follows: About a month or so ago Chase was sick with a cold and as you all know he has HORRIBLE asthma. Anytime he gets any little type of cold, his asthma flares up and it can get quite scary at times. Well, this one particular day Chase and I stayed home from church because he was just way wheezy and snotty. Over the previous week I could not find his breathing maching anywhere and it was getting to the point where I was stressing over it because his asthma was only getting worse. This particular Sunday that we had stayed home I was thinking to myself all morning long "where in the heck could that thing be?" I knew Chase needed it and if he got any worse then we would possibly end up in the hospital. After a few hours of stressing about where in the heck his machine was I got the inkling to pull my breast pump out and clean the pieces up. For whatever reason I don't know(because I still had a good little while before Davis was going to be born and I had never once thought about pulling it out before), but I just decided to do it. I climbed into the back of the closet and pulled it out and sure enough, there was Chase's breathing machine in the bag with my breast pump stuff. I was SO relieved and right then and there thanked Heavenly Father for allowing me to find the breathing machine. This is something that seems so simple to me, but at the same time really made me realize that the Lord DOES listen to us and helps in our time of need. I am so thankful for the comfort that I get from knowing that.

I am also so thankful to know that I have a family to fall back on at any given time in life. I am so thankful to know that I have two parents that love me so very much and would do anything for me. I am also so very thankful for every single one of my siblings and their families and for the relationships that I have with them. I know that I could turn to any one of them at a time when I am in need and that they would do the best they could to help me out. I am so thankful to know that I am forever sealed to my family and that I will always have them. I love my family more than anything and on most occasions would just prefer to spend time with them. I am so so so thankful to be sealed to them and to have their love and support. I am also so thankful for my two beautiful little boys that the Lord has trusted me with. I hope that I can be the mother that they need and be an example for them and teach them the things that they need to know to develop and learn all that they can in this life. I love every single person in my family and am so thankful for all of them and their unique personalities.

Lastly, I am just so greatful to have the knowledge of the gospel in my life. I don't know where I would be now without it. I am thankful that I have the scriptures to read and study and prophets to listen to and seek council from. Over the last little bit, I have really taken the time to study the scriptures, read the church magazines, and really listen to the prophets--what a difference that has made for me in my life. I have grown SO much and learned SO much over these past few months than I have in my whole life. The gospel is so amazing and I know that it is true. I am so thankful for it and all the comfort I recieve from it.



And just for the sake of Chase being cute and so that I can remember these moments---
-Chase is enthralled with Tinkerbell. Anytime a commercial comes on for her he freaks out and tells me that he wants the toy or movie. The funny part is that the calls Tinkerbell "Bingerbell" and does so seriously. He really thinks she is "Bingerbell". =) It just makes me giggle.
-The other day Chase and I were riding in the car and he was watching Davis in his car seat. Davis makes some pretty funny faces when he is awake and Chase was getting a kick out of his faces. He was laughing so hard his stomach was starting to hurt and he was starting to cry. Finally, he pulled himself together and told me he didn't have any giggles left in him. So in an attempt to make him giggle, I turned around quickly and made a retarded face at him. He burst out in giggles and this went on for a few more rounds. I then told him "HAHA...I got a giggle out of you!" A few minutes later Chase asked me to look at him and so I did. I turned around and he made a goofy face at me and I started to "laugh" and he said "HAHA... I got a giggle on you!" I just thought what he said was too cute.
-I can't think of any off of the top of my head right now because I often feel like I am losing my mind and forgetting everything, but I know I have so many more so stay tuned. He is always full of the funniest comments and says some of the cleverest things sometimes...I just wish I could remember them ALL. I need to start writing them all down so I can remember them. Hopefully I can come up with the others and post them soon, but that is all for now.